Thursday, December 25, 2008
E-mails from Hell
From: Scratch.Fallen@hell.com
To: Mason.Mealy@hell.com
BCC: Sheila.Claw@hell.com
Subject: Bill Nadir’s Soul
Hi Mason,
I can’t approve the deal with your seller Bill Nair. You’re giving away too much. We can’t be promoting a back-stabbing middle manager to Director just for tattling on his boss for a rumored affair with a marketing coordinator. May I remind you this is a buyer’s market, and we can get his soul for much less—say an undeserved bonus and an assignment to a secure project with an approved budget and travel that includes the marketing coordinator. Your colleague, Sheila is assigned to her, and I’m sure she can at least get the coordinator to flirt with your guy.
Also, keep in mind that when we overpay we get a short term boost in our numbers, but we really create a lot of stress, and moral indignation amongst the prospects—which drives them to our Competition seeking solace and comfort from all the “Evil” in today’s World. Not to mention, the stress you put on our Support team to execute an overpriced deal.
You can tell Bill that we have to go one step at a time, offer the “starter” deal I mentioned, work in the possibility of getting the marketing coordinator in the bargain and persuade him the Director job is just down the road.
Get back to me by tomorrow—I’d like to book Bill’s soul for this month.
Regards,
Scratch Fallen
Director, Souls Acquisition
Hell, Inc.
Copyright © 2008 Ted Richards
- posted by Ted @ 9:18 PM
