Tuesday, March 10, 2009
E-mails from Hell
From: Scratch.Fallen@hell.com
To:Petula.Smutz@hell.com
BCC:Shank.Varicose@hell.com
Subject: Republicans
Dearest Petula:
I’m turning down your deal for Russel Frikken. You buried the fact he’s a Republican— although you did get him to agree to a very reasonable and desperate deal. I can’t sign off because we have way too many Republicans. The past eight years we’ve been padding our numbers with Republicans and I have discussed this issue with you and the team for some time now. It’s time to set an example, and make it clear our management has tired of Republicans and restore our standards.
I know Republicans are an easy sale; however I remind you they are a minority, and to make our numbers we have to get more Liberals. Sure, the Liberals are high-minded and “moral” to a fault but remember: our management considers them extra tasty and juicer than most Republicans. They are enjoying a national resurgence and full of pride, conceit and even greed—we did quite well recently in the Congress when the petty Liberals gorged on what’s left of their Federal largesse.
Get back to work. My assistant, Mangela will provide you with some recent leads we’ve gathered thanks to our Liberal task force, and I expect to see a good Liberal deal or two from you by next week.
Regards,
Scratch Fallen
Director, Souls Acquisition
Hell, Inc.
Copyright © 2009 Ted Richards
- posted by Ted @ 6:04 AM
Thursday, December 25, 2008
E-mails from Hell
From: Scratch.Fallen@hell.com
To: Mason.Mealy@hell.com
BCC: Sheila.Claw@hell.com
Subject: Bill Nadir’s Soul
Hi Mason,
I can’t approve the deal with your seller Bill Nair. You’re giving away too much. We can’t be promoting a back-stabbing middle manager to Director just for tattling on his boss for a rumored affair with a marketing coordinator. May I remind you this is a buyer’s market, and we can get his soul for much less—say an undeserved bonus and an assignment to a secure project with an approved budget and travel that includes the marketing coordinator. Your colleague, Sheila is assigned to her, and I’m sure she can at least get the coordinator to flirt with your guy.
Also, keep in mind that when we overpay we get a short term boost in our numbers, but we really create a lot of stress, and moral indignation amongst the prospects—which drives them to our Competition seeking solace and comfort from all the “Evil” in today’s World. Not to mention, the stress you put on our Support team to execute an overpriced deal.
You can tell Bill that we have to go one step at a time, offer the “starter” deal I mentioned, work in the possibility of getting the marketing coordinator in the bargain and persuade him the Director job is just down the road.
Get back to me by tomorrow—I’d like to book Bill’s soul for this month.
Regards,
Scratch Fallen
Director, Souls Acquisition
Hell, Inc.
Copyright © 2008 Ted Richards
- posted by Ted @ 9:18 PM
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Here's a drawing I did for an Italian Comic Convention. I want to see how it works to post cartoons... then I'll start posting more.
The "Puck" character is a dwarf, imp-like creature that all the cartoonists are asked to draw. So, I tried it out.
- posted by Ted @ 4:41 PM
Monday, March 31, 2003
I've been trying to figure out how I would handle the War on Iraq as a comic strip artist. Will I be "against the war" and develop, hard-hitting satirical material about the political leadership (Bush, Cheney, Rumsfield. Powell)? Or, will I be "for our troops" and develop moody illustrations and sparse one-liners about "lack of sleep" and "trying to win hearts and minds of Iraqi civilians." I like being "for our troops" and trying to see the War through their eyes, yet, slipping in a jibe at the political leadership. Most recently there are reports on the National Guard units making their own armor from salvaged Iraq Army vehicles. That's a cartoon soon to be drawn.
- posted by Ted @ 1:46 PM
